From WALTER_BANKOVITCH@hp-santaclara-om3.om.hp.com Mon Nov 11 13:14:34 1996
X-Openmail-Hops: 1
Subject: warning labels (forward)

We asked folks to come up with absurd warning labels for common
products. The best one is...

On a cardboard windshield sun shade:  "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun 
Shield in Place."  We were going to make it a winner, until we
discovered that it wasn't made up.

Fourth Runner-Up -- On an infant's bathtub:  Do not throw baby out with 
bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat
lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.  (Tom Witte,
Gaithersburg)

Second Runner-Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball:  Not advised for use as a home 
pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

First Runner-Up -- On a roll of Life Savers:  Not for use as a flotation

device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata -- On a cup of McDonald's
coffee:  Allow to cool before applying to groin area. (Elden Carnahan,
Laurel)

Honorable Mentions

On a Pentium chip:  If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer
will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total
of $4.97.  (Russell Beland, Springfield)

On a handgun:  Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.  (Art Grinath, 
Takoma Park)

On pantyhose:  Not to be used in the commission of a felony.  (Judith 
Daniel, Washington)

On a piano:  Harmful or fatal if swallowed.  (Peter Fay, Herndon)

On a can of Fix-a-Flat:  Not to be used for breast augmentation. (Jerry 
Robin, Gaithersburg)

On work gloves:  For best results, do not leave at crime scene. (Ken 
Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

On a fax machine:  WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an
image of your naked buttocks.  Always photocopy your buttocks and fax
the photocopy. (John Kammer, Herndon)

On a microscope:  Objects are smaller and less alarming than they
appear. (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)

On children's alphabet blocks:  Letters may be used to construct words, 
phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.  (David Handelsman, 
Charlottesville)